Squirrels Galore
One day I had the bright idea that sitting on my couch, gazing out the picture window at wild birds would help jumpstart my brain into coming up with clever writing ideas.
However, instead of enjoying hours admiring the colorful plumage of my fine-feathered-friends, I spent several agonizing days watching my wild bird feeder decimated by the local squirrels.
It was my fault, I suppose. In my ignorance, I bought one of those cute wooden ones that resembles a tiny house and carefully hung it on a pole clamped to my deck. Before too long, I discovered that it no longer looked like a house—well, maybe—perhaps one in a seedy neighborhood! The wood had been chewed through as the squirrels attempted to extract every last bit of sunflower seeds contained within its miniature windows. I cursed the little rodents, but they just seemed to scoff at me while laughing and picking their teeth with the splintered remains of the sad-looking little abode.
Undaunted, I headed back out to the hardware store to choose a new seed dispenser. This time I would buy one that was “squirrel proof.” I brought a metal feeder home, attaching it to the pole. “I DARE you to chew through this one,” I said as I shut the door behind me. A movement caught my eye and I swirled around to witness Rocky stuffing his cheeks full of seed while doing gymnastics on my new “squirrel proof” feeder. I ran outside screaming and he bolted off the deck and into the woods. This scene played out several times a day until, in exasperation, I yanked down the offending feeder and pitched it haphazardly into the garage.
Weeks later when I had forgotten all about the failed experiment and was shopping for cat food, a bag of birdseed caught my eye. In big letters, it said, “Squirrel proof. I’m a PEST. This is hot!” On the bag, (next to a picture of a squirrel fleeing, I might add), it explained that squirrels have tastebuds, which birds apparently lack. “Squirrels will not enjoy this food,” the product promised.
Excitedly, I plunked down a tenspot and hauled the bag out of the store. Hope sprung eternal and once again I erected my metal feeder, loading it to the top with the new wonder seed. Of course, this should be the end of the story, but alas, it is not. Rocky must have hailed from south of the equator because it turned out that he adored spicy food. Within days, the entire lot was history.
Bird Feeding 101
I’m nothing, if not stubborn, I suppose. Googling squirrels and bird feed, I came across several squirrel stratagems, eventually deciding upon a tubular metal finch feeder with miniscule holes meant for tiny beaks only. I also purchased an expensive little device called “Twirl-A-Squirl” which I attached to the top of the red metal feeder.
When more than one pound of weight lands on the feeder, a siren is sounded and the feeder spins around rapidly pitching the squirrel headlong into the yard. It works like a charm and keeps me entertained. Of course, some squirrels are drawn to it, just as some humans are drawn to mechanical bulls, but pretty soon, they are all thrown off!
Take that Rocky!
